In the last two years, I’ve gone through some major steps in self-discovery; I have left my comfort zone, I have tested my limits, and I’ve overcome some massive obstacles. I have found out who I am post-serious relationship, and realized I really liked the Phoenix buried inside that had risen from the ashes of a wrecked life plan.
I have become someone I really like being, most days. And really, my level of personal success is astounding, especially to me. I’m told I’ve “beaten” the odds and that I’ve accomplished amazing things. Some days I can recognize that; most, however, it just feels like survival with a healthy dose of good luck and the right support network.
Essentially, though, I’ve got an interesting story to tell, one that could inspire others to overcome and reach out. I’ve battled a lot of demons, big ones, and have wanted to share these stories. There was one big obstacle, though.
My mom. I hadn’t told her about a few things. I never wanted her to blame herself and I didn’t want to hurt her. Recently, I finally addressed that roadblock. On Thanksgiving, I told my mom about the role that bulimia has played in my life since I was 19 — she had never known.
Now that she does, I feel something akin to catharsis. Now that she knows, I can share my story of hope and perseverance, without fear of her finding out “the wrong way.”
I don’t want to say it will be a prevalent topic here on the blog now that I’ve opened up about it. But, maybe by publicizing this I can inspire faith, hope, and encouragement for others silently suffering from eating disorders and emotional disorders. (The bulimia essentially developed as a side-effect of bipolar disorder.) Maybe this can lead to more avenues to help people who are seeking encouragement and support while facing similar obstacles.
I am a success story.
While I wish I could have never experienced this, it’s shown me some amazing sides to the human race. These hardships have shown me how loved I am, and how beautiful the heart truly is. People are amazing. Whether it was through small acts of kindness that helped me recover some self esteem after a relapse, or listening when I needed it most, or prayer, or tough love from a boss-slash-friend-slash-mentor (that’s a great story that I want to write about sometime)…I have seen the beauty of people. For that, I am grateful.
I don’t know where it all goes from here. But, now that it’s out there, I feel…good about it all. I hope I can serve as a light for someone, someone like me that could use the encouragement when things feel at their worst.
I hope everyone had a beautiful Thanksgiving. For me, it marked the start of a new chapter.